True Believer

l. dunkley

Arriving at the Raleigh-Durham Airport departure terminal with fifty-five minutes to spare, I decided get something to eat. I was carrying my backpack over my right shoulder. I had my guitar in my left hand. I looked around at my food options and I saw a woman dressed in fatigues. It was January of 2009. I turned away reactively. My unreconciled feelings about the war in the Middle East must have seemed monstrously clear in my reaction. I was embarrassed. I was dissatisfied with myself. Whatever my inward feelings were, I delivered outward disapproval to the woman in the airport.

I conveyed to her that I was sorry for what I had done and that I deeply appreciated the personal sacrifice that she was making. Fortunately, she was not offended. She laughed in recognition of what had actually taken place and I breathed a sigh of relief. Then, I tried to figure out what I would have felt if I were the one in military dress. I tried to figure out what my life might be like if my choices and circumstances had been different...and wrote this. The last verse was dedicated to the Tennessee Valley Unitarian Universalist Church in Knoxville after the deadly shooting that happened there in July of 2008.

i want to fight the wars of guns and bad ideas

with the one hand over my heart

i want to fight the wars for the ones that i hold dear

…defend the glory for the brave and living free

i want to free this war of oil and masquerade

as a welcomed liberator

i want to be this war but the cause has been unmade

and now the story needs a reason to truly be

i tried to say that i true believed

that deep in my heart i’d had an answer

i tried to kill the war of 1945

by bombing Hiroshima

i tried to kill a war but i nearly burned the sky

by ignoring the different ways of living free

i thought i’d win the wars of Northern Vietnam

through Negro subjugation

i thought i’d spin the war as little Martin’s false alarm

by killing glory when Free At Last was living free

i tried to say that i true believed

that deep in my heart i’d had an answer

i tried to wage the war on bleeding heart ideals

but there was no fear in the Valley

i tried to stage a war in suburban killing fields

with the gun shots in Tennessee on Sunday morn

when will we end the wars of guns and bad ideas

with the one hand over our heart

when will we end the wars for the ones that we hold dear

…defend the glory for the brave and living free

oh, if in my heart, i do not yield

then shall overcome someday

we shall overcome

we shall overcome someday

oh, deep in my heart, i true believe

that we shall overcome someday

so, send it over, send it over me

love reigns down today